It hasn’t been a bad day. I got some stuff done. Kids are fine. No one is crying. But I feel it creeping up on me.
Slowly, like a predator creeping up on prey. Like a slithering creature slipping up behind me, an anaconda about to crush me in it’s grip.
I’m not talking about a real creature. It’s all in my head. But it’s there. The elephant in the room. Oh so many metaphors for depression and anxiety.
I got sick December 12 with the flu. For 10 days, I had the flu but it wasn’t THAT bad.
Fever, body aches, headache, sneezing, coughing, oh my God the coughing.
On December 22, I felt a lot better. The fever was gone. The coughing was subsiding. I had slight pressure in my sinuses and ears but I figured that would resolve itself in a couple of days. And then it didn’t.
On December 23, I was awakened with an earache. A very bad earache in my right ear. After 12 hours, my ear “popped” and then it was completely stuffed up. I went to Urgent Care, got a course of antibiotics to deal with the double ear infection, upper respiratory infection, and a “little” pneumonia.
Later that night, the left ear started up and did a similar thing, but this time, my ENT thinks that when it “popped” at 3am, that it actually ruptured.
I lost most of my hearing then and Christmas was horrible. I couldn’t sleep because the tinnitus in my ears was so bad. I couldn’t hear what people said to me so I mostly remained silent. I went to see the new Star Wars movie but didn’t enjoy it because I couldn’t hear it and didn’t know what was going on.
My hearing is getting better. My ENT is pleased that the infection in my right ear is nearly gone and is mostly gone in my left ear. My hearing is still impaired in my left however due to some “debris” on my ear drum as a result of all the yuckiness.
It should improve and we’re watching but still.. just ugh.
Bad things happen when I retreat into my head. I get paranoid. I turn into a hypochondriac too.
Things are getting better with my ear but I’m still in my head.
Money is tight with all the doctor visits and medicines. Then I went for a follow up with my gastro doc and she changed my medicine so there’s more expense I wasn’t planning for.
There’s just a lot of stress right now and I’m wigging out and feeling out of control.
I know things will get better soon. I just have to hang on.