- Purchase caramel apple kit.
- Line cookie sheet with wax paper. Ready plastic wrap to wrap your delicious creations.
- Follow directions on package to melt caramel.
- Push sticks into apples. Nearly lose eye when one stick breaks and splinters fly through air.
- Pick up apple on a stick. Apple slips off stick. Put apple back on stick. Repeat. Swear with great creativity. Figure out how to angle apple so it won’t fall off stick.
- Dip into sauce that is now hotter than molten lava.
Swear obscenely when stick comes out of apple leaving apple bobbing in viscous goo. Go find the mother effin’ tongs.
- Realize you’ve destroyed tongs because you found preschooler using them to mess with “things” in toilet. Find the salad spoons instead.
- Use salad spoons to dig apples out of caramel sauce that is now hotter than the sun. Sauce drips off of salad spoons and onto your pants leaving a blister the size of your hand. Swear loudly enough that the neighbors think there’s some sort of domestic situation at your house and call police.
- Repeat process with remaining apples and/or say to “hell with it” and go buy caramel apples at grocery store.
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