Redneck Wedding

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A few years ago, I went to a redneck wedding. Let metell you a little bit more about this beautiful day…

It was held at the beautiful American Legion hall in lovely Mableton, GA. It was on a Saturday afternoon and most of the guests stayed after thereception to pay bingo. This was the bride’s first wedding so she was wearing white. I still wonderhow she got a form-fitting “mermaid” style dress that fit her properly since she was only 8 months pregnant at the time. Her maid of honor was her oldest daughter – who also happened to be the groom’s oldest daughter. The maid of honor and bridesmaids all wore lovely matching HOT! PINK! LAME! hoochie mama dresses with LOTS of cleavage and were VERY short. My mom swore that one of them flashed her naughty bits as she flounced down the aisle.

The groom and his grooms men all wore white tuxes with HOT PINK ties and cummerbunds. They also complimented their attire with the ball cap of their choice. They also partook of a large amount of “chaw” or chewing tobacco during the ceremony and each held his own red SOLO cup of spit during the ceremony. The minister of this holy ceremony wore a GOLD! LAME! robe and looked like an Elvis impersonator. I found out later that he does that on the side. However, on this day he was there in his official capacity.

The bride came down the aisle on her father’s arm. Most of us were distracted by her belly which gyrated furiously as she walked down the aisle. Obviously the unborn child decided that since he would be the first of his parent’s children to be born after wedlock that he would celebrate by turning somersaults in his mama’s tummy.

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