My Innards

First, a little background info: I was diagnosed with PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) about 15 years ago. From 13 until 22, my cycle ran from 10 days to 3 months. At 22, my doc put me on the Pill to help regulate my periods. With the exception of the erratic periods and my long and luxurious beard, PCOS has had very little affect on my health.

Almost 2 years ago, I stopped taking the pill to start trying to get pregnant. For the first year, DH and I just let nature take it’s course. I worried that going off the pill would cause my periods to be really erratic, but they were like clock-work – every 28 days, rain or shine. About 8 months ago, we decided that we would ramp-up our attempts and I started using a fertility monitor to help in timing.

In the last 3 months, I’ve had more trouble from my female innards than I’ve ever had.

First of all, my clockwork cycles, stopped working like clockwork. I went from 28 days to 41 days.. I was afraid that my periods were going back to their normal status like before I went on the pill. However, in May, I was experiencing EXCRUCIATING pain on the way to work one morning and decided to go the Emergency room instead of work. After the most painful ultrasound on record, I was found to have a 10CM (a little over 3 inches) ovarian cyst. A month later, a follow-up visit to my gynecologist and another ultrasound found that it had shrunk a little. Last week, I went for another ultrasound and it’s disappeared.

Now, my gyno wants me to visit the baby maker in her office (an infertility expert) in September. She thinks that I may need some stimulation in order to get pregnant and she also wants me to start getting bloodwork at day 21 of my cycle – to test to see if I’m ovulating.

At 37, I feel like it’s now or never. In the back of my mind, since I was diagnosed with PCOS, I always knew I’d need a little help to conceive. I never meant to wait this late for motherhood. In my early twenties, I decided I wanted to have kids as soon as I was married. But then I didn’t meet the man of my dreams until I was 28 and we married when I was nearly 30.Then, it was one thing after another, first job losses, then parental loss (both of my parents have passed away in the last 5 years) that made me postpone motherhood. Now I feel like there will never be a right time for parenthood, but at the same time, I feel woefully immature. Moo’s cousin, with whom he was raised (they are only 6 days apart in age), will be a first time father in the next few weeks. It seems so weird and adult and I don’t feel like I’m there.

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